Bad, Flush Doggy, Bad!

The disappointment is almost too much to bear. Ok, it's not that bad. But it's close. I was so excited and I've been let down, hard.  I had ordered these flushable dog poop bags on Amazon and I was anticipating the joy of watching those white bags swirl down the porcelain bowl and away from my life.  I could picture the clean beauty that would be my outdoor garbage can, stink free and easy. They're called Flush Doggy and they purport to be "100% Flushable & Biodegradable Poop Bags." In my personal experience, this is a bold-faced lie.
After researching a few options and watching some very strange testimonials on YouTube, I choose Flush Doggy because they seemed to be the right product for the job.

The instructions on how to use the bag is quite clear.
1. pick up poop
2. flush it

Well step 1 was easy enough. It was step 2 I had a problem with. It's always #2 that causes a problem, isn't it? 
Now, I'm not naive, I knew there was a good chance that this whole thing could backfire (haha) and therefore, I was prepared.  Toilet lid, up! Rain boots, on! Towels and plunger, at hand!  Cautiously, I placed the poo bag in the water.  My expectation was that the bag would instantly start to dissolve, based on videos that I'd watched.  This did not happen. Nothing happened. The bag sat there looking baggish.  The only change was that it really started to smell like dog shit in my tiny, unventilated bathroom. So, I flushed.
Instantly, the bag disappeared and my toilet started to fill to the brim with water.  Dammit! I waited, though, and watched. The water level stopped rising and just leveled off. Some water was still trickling in but it was also going down the same amount. After deciding to walk away and ignore the whole situation for a few minutes, I turned my back on the toilet. A gurgling, sucking, shlurping sound made me spin back around in time to witness the water suddenly vanish down into the pipes. The commode refilled in it's normal manner. I was relieved (haha).  
Two days later, I decided to give it another go (enough with the potty humor, already!). What had I done wrong the first time? Did I not wait long enough before flushing? This time, I would close the lid and go into the other room and give it some rest in the water for a bit. Surely, this was the answer.
This was not the answer.
I had to plunge and Sam witnessed it. No more Flush Doggy for this family. I'm returning them and getting my money back. 
So, back to the drawing board on this issue.  Maybe a different brand works better? Before I try another flushable bag, I'm going to have to find a different toilet to use, because those things are not going in mine!  
I had a discussion last night with some friends on the subject and they brought up some good ideas.  Perhaps some sort of diaper pail/cloth diaper type system will work. I'm looking into it. 

Entomology

I was so embarrassed every time I put my trash on the curb this summer. It was terrifying. Sometimes I didn't even want to touch the handle of the wheeled 64 gallon black plastic bin.  I mean the smell was bad, but, but, but, (it's hard for me to say it)...OH the poor garbage collectors...I'm talking about, about, about...ok, here goes...um...I'm talking about...maggots. Fly larvae. Creepy crawly wriggly squirmy nauseating writhing white pulsating moving maggots. So bad they WERE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE LID. Almost every time I put the can on the curb.  It reminded me of the first horror movie that I ever watched. It was at a friend's sleepover party. I don't remember the name of it, but there was a swimming pool full of larvae that someone falls into and all the mirrors were covered because the kid's face was messed up. After doing some very minimal research, aka Googling, the movie might have been 1985's Phenomena starring a very young Jennifer Connelly. Not 100% on that because I hate horror movies in general and won't watch it to find out for sure. Not all horror, just most. So correct me if I'm wrong and you know the movie to which I'm referring.
But I digress.  Don't get me wrong, I mean the smell was like a giant green fist punching me in the face every time I took the lid off, but the visual acknowledgement of how bad things were inside by looking at the outside was demoralizing to say the least.  The problem is: 2 people + 1 Eighty pound hound = very small quantities of garbage. You wouldn't think this is a bad thing! However, small, stinky bags of dog poo and recycled plastic grocery bags full of bones and take-out containers don't fill up a 64 gallon trash can very quickly.  Several weeks could go by before I would have to put a trash tag on the can and put it out for pick up.  Meanwhile, flies would just be multiplying in my refuse.
I grew up in an area where taxes paid for garbage collection. Whatever trash you had, you put it out every week, and it never got too awful. In Tompkins County, garbage collection is privatized and people have to pay for trash tags which you put on your trash can handle.  This leads people to try and recycle as much as possible and to illegally dump their garbage in business' dumpsters and public trash cans.  Paying for trash tags also makes honest people wait as long as humanly possible before putting their trash out. I'm not saying we shouldn't have this system or that adding waste management into our taxes is better, each way of doing things has its upsides and downsides.  If citizens could put out tons of garbage without paying extra for it, lots of people would toss out stuff that could be recycled or donated, just because it would be faster and easier to do so. 
Nine days ago, I started this blog.  Eight days ago, I emptied the kitchen garbage and put in a fresh, used grocery sack for Sam and I put out a separate waste bin for myself to use. Today, Sam took his garbage out. It was full to bursting and he could barely close the cupboard door that it hides behind (Full disclosure -- there was a chicken bone of mine in there from a night Sam made dinner). After eight days, this is my trash;

Cheese wrappers; individually wrapped slices and local goat cheese
Halloween candy wrappers
A bent bottle cap
A cheese-flavored puffed corn snack bag
Ice cream sandwich wrappers
Microwave popcorn bag
Plastic wrap from Brussels sprouts (came with a foam tray too, but I am trying to repurpose that thing instead of tossing it)

While I am proud of myself for having just a little kitchen trash, if I want to do better then I have to give up some things. Sorry Brussels sprouts! Just kidding, I couldn't live without those tasty little cabbages. Sadly, our local grocery store packages a lot of their veggies in styrofoam and plastic wrap. I don't see the point in doing this. Do they think all food needs to be pre-weighed and bar coded?   What if I just want one parsnip? They're forcing me to buy 3, covered in plastic.  I guess I'll have to write a sternly worded comment card. Sonny, back in my day they barely washed off the dirt. Washing vegetables builds character...
When I think about all the Halloween candy that was just handed out, individually wrapped in bite sized pieces, I get goosebumps. Talk about scary! I didn't hand out candy to kids. That was all for me. I had a weak moment.  All the wrappers made me long for my youth when Nestle bars came wrapped in foil with an outer paper sleeve.  Sure, the candy didn't last as long on the shelf, but how long does it need to last?  If you can't eat that chocolate before it expires, you didn't want it that bad.
The bottle caps are ubiquitous. I've started saving them in a bean pot on the counter. I figure when I get enough of them, I'll have a stepping-stone party. Friends can come over and make a cap-decorated cement walkway stone while we create more bottle caps.  Maybe I can find a mold in the shape of a beer bottle?  That'll be fun. Good Times.
Until I start making my own goat cheese, I just don't know how to avoid plastic wrapped cheese.  Tonight, I made Sam buy deli cheese to cut down on the plastic. It still came in a zipppered plastic bag, but I can reuse it. Should I start bringing my own containers to the deli? I'm not above it, I'm just not usually that prepared.  
So that's the kitchen garbage for about one week.  
What have I learned? A.) Candy bags do not make good dog poop bags. B.) Cheese is a delicious and trashful food.  And C.) Low calorie/low fat foods tend to be individually wrapped so as to provide portion control.  I will have to be careful not to gain back the 20 lbs I recently lost by switching back to products that aren't portioned out. Oh well.
You may have noticed I only discussed kitchen refuse.  I am not prepared at this time to deal with the subject of the bathroom garbage. That's going to be unpleasant.

My Secret Love

I <3 Compost.  Really. I would marry it if I could. It is just so satisfying to watch my pile grow and shrink and grow and shrink.  All those helpful bugs and microorganisms chowing away.  Knowing that I'm keeping valuable nutrients out of the landfill where they'll never break down is pretty damn awesome, too.
Sam and I moved into our house a little over five years ago. The first thing I did was set up the clothesline and the compost pile. We thought our neighbors would freak! Oh, great. Dirty hillbillies have moved into Hester's old house. There goes the neighborhood! Turns out, they were dirty hillbillies composters too! They've got these really nice sturdy black plastic bins built just for the purpose whereas mine is chicken wire and 3 metal fence posts, but it gets the job done.
I kind of think my way is superior because I'm also feeding the animals at the same time. All sorts of cute creatures eat out of my compost pile. Skunks, opossum, raccoons, squirrels, deer. Adorable! They're looking a little jittery these days, though. Maybe I should cut back on the coffee grounds.

notice the mussels

I throw everything I can think of into the compost. Vegetable bits of course, but also eggshells, coffee grounds, fish bits, tea bags, houseplant leaves, clams shells, bread (I think the birds get that before it breaks down), compostable take-out containers and I've even tried the Sunchips bag that's supposed to be eco-friendly. 
NO dairy! NO meat items! Those make a stinky bacterial mess that you don't want! I keep the kitchen scraps in a pretty bowl in the fridge to keep the fruit flies out of it in-between trips to the pile.

Notice the Styrofoam next to the compost. =(

Here are some things that take a loooong time to break down in the 3' diameter pile I have (which is the minimum diameter any compost pile should be to insure it warms properly);
Corn cobs
Pine cones
Clam/Mussel shells
Sunchips bags
Take-out containers
Matted fresh cut grass

When I knock over the pile in the spring to get to the black gold at the bottom, I just sift these things out and throw them back into the new pile that I start with the stuff that didn't break down on the top and sides of the pile (where it was cooler and had insulated the stuff in the middle). 
About a week and a half ago, I filled up my raised garden bed with last year's compost that had been sitting, unattended, the whole summer while I focused on painting the house. No gardening this summer! Had to focus! Focus! It had a top covering of weeds but underneath, it was black and beautiful. Smelled like healthy soil and had nice loose texture that made it easy to shovel up. Right then and there, in the cold November rain, I planted garlic that I had bought at the farmer's market a couple weeks before and had told Sam not to cook.  My first act of growing this year! Normally, I do quite a bit gardening around the foundation of the house but, it would've just been in the way of all the painting prep. Even with the icy rain dripping down the exposed section of my back and trickling into my underpants, it was good to be planting again.
Now here's my dilemma;
Bones
We use them in making stock and give the big ones to the dog (I know! Don't lecture me! We don't do it very often), but what about small bones? Chicken bones? Should I start a separate bone pile? Some sort of warning to trespassers? Beware ye, for we are omnivores! I'm picturing whole new types of creatures visiting my yard - coyotes and vultures - Yikes! This forum had some interesting responses; bone composting. I'm not sure I'm ready to smash cooked bones and add them to my compost but maybe I could start burying them in the yard like a dog. I would just have to keep my dog from digging them back up. Most likely, I'll just stop buying meat that has bones in it because it's easier and I'm too busy to deal with it.  The restaurants in this area all compost everything in a gigantic pile that can handle meat so I'll just eat bony food when I go out. If any of you out there have an awesome way to deal with bones, please let me know. Until then,

My heart belongs to Compost
Yours forever, Trashy Woman

Dumb-duh-dumb dump.

I've got to go to the dump. I really don't want to. I don't know what my other options are for this crap, though. 
Here's how it started; 5 years ago, We bought a house.  And, as is the case when many people buy an older house, it really needed to be painted.  Being the ambitious, don't-tell-me-I-can't-do-it kind of woman that I am, I decided to paint the house myself. All by myself. Sam was busy this summer being an executive chef at a new restaurant and I knew I couldn't count on any help. It didn't matter, I could do it and I would get help occasionally when I really needed it.
Ha.
The project started with scraping and sanding the siding, which is this pressed fiber board stuff called Smooth Fiber Cement Lap Siding. I only discovered what this shit is called after weeks of research, but more about that later.  So, I'm doing the parts of the house I can reach on a short ladder and making good progress with the prep work when it all starts going to hell.  
BEES! BEES! BEES!
My house is made of bees. All different kinds.  Carpenter, wasps, yellow jackets, you name it, if it stings and eats wood, we have them.  Sam has to rip out and replace a soffit that carpenter bees have destroyed and the joining fascia board which has warped away from the rafter tail. There is a family of starlings living inside.
 

This Sam does all alone while I'm at work.  It involved removing the gutter, the nest and about 50,000 bees. It was truly a testament to our love.
Next came spongy rotten window sills and disintegrating 1/4 round trim. I learned a whole new skill set this summer and overcame my fear of powered cutting devices.  Overgrown landscaping planted too close to the house got hacked down to discover mouldering siding that I could poke holes in with my power washer from several feet away. A whole section of the house needed new siding. Damn, what was I thinking when I started this project? I don't even want to talk about heavy duty extension ladders. My inability to move the damn thing by myself would send me into fits of rage. 
Did I mention what a beautiful summer we had? No rain, hot as hell everyday? No excuse not to be out there getting shit done?  

After scraping and sanding

Seven months later and our home is now made of Great Stuff (greatstuff.dow.com) and caulk. Our awesomely wonderful friends came over and we painted in temperatures that were a wee bit chilly for the task but, damn we did a good job. I couldn't have finished it without them. I must also thank my incredible neighbor, who is a contractor, who gave me several stepladders to use for most of the summer, amazingly helpful advice whenever I asked, and who told me what my siding was called and found out where I could order a small quantity and have it delivered directly to my house (the answer was Builder's Best in Cortland, by the way. $20 to deliver 10 pcs. of siding all the way to Trumansburg. Score!). He prevented me from having a complete breakdown.

I hate that ladder SO MUCH!

So back to the whole point of this post. I now have several piles of debris that need to get out of my yard and besides taking them to the dump, I really don't know what I can do with it.  It's a miss-mosh of old telephone wires, siding, painted wood, aluminum end-cap thingies and what-all. And a kiddie pool. And a pink flamingo. 
 
I actually believe the pool and flamingo can go in the recycling. But the other crap? Dump time. It's terrible. It's the American Way. Don't forget to vote today.

 

Chicken Dinner

I obviously need to change the way I do some things.  In an attempt to truly document the amount of trash in my life, I have to start fresh, right? So today, being Sunday and the end of daylight saving time, I got up waaaaay too early on my day off and did a few things.

First, I cleaned up the kitchen from last night's dinner extravaganza.  Nearly every night that my spouse (whom I shall call Sam in a thinly veiled attempt at anonymity) cooks dinner is a major production. Sam is a chef and really loves to cook, at home and at work.  The cleaning part of cooking? Not so much. 
So, I began loading the dishwasher, rinsing out the empty bottles and cans and opened our under-the-counter trash bin to toss in the random bottle caps, paper towels and plastic safety wrappers.
This is what I found in the trash;

That's recyclable, dammit!

That's a rotisserie chicken container right there in the garbage. With the carcass inside. And some carrot peelings.  So I take it back, Sam does clean up. Sam cleans up in the same way that a million billion other people* clean up.  Toss it in the trash!  You would think that after living with someone <ahem, me> for 18 years, a person would know better.  This is why I am not trying to change my spouse's ways with my personal project.  It would be pointless.  All I can do is focus on me and hope to lead by example (ha! fat chance!). 

After tossing the kitchen trash into the outdoor giant wheeled garbage can (what is that, 64 gallons? I'll have to find out...) and reloading the kitchen bin with a fresh plastic grocery sack , I created my own separate garbage can. This way, I can see my own refuse and Sam is my control group.  Thanks for being my lab monkey, honey!

Continuing to clean up a bit, I vacuumed the dining room.  When I went to empty the crap out of it, I didn't want to dirty my fresh, clean wastebasket.  Trash already? No way! My first act of actual behavioral change was to dump the vacuum canister into the compost bin instead of the trashcan. Whew. That was easy.  

*Not a confirmed statistic, I made that number up. It's called hyperbole, people.

Trash Talkin'

So I thought to myself, my god, I throw away a lot of stuff. Everyday. And so do you. Don't deny it - even if you recycle everything and compost everything, you are still throwing out lots and lots of stuff. 
Packaging and meat bones, tampons and Styrofoam containers, plastic bits of this and that.  And this is if you are lucky enough to live in an area that does recycle (I know, right? It's shameful that some areas still don't). And what if you're not fortunate enough to live somewhere that you can compost? You've seen the pictures. The world has a garbage problem.


This is one woman's attempt to eliminate trash from her life. It's not going to easy.

My caveats;

-I am married. I will not be trying to make my partner follow my eccentric example. That would be futile.
-I have no kids. Children would probably make this wild idea impossible.
-I do have a hound dog. She's awesome but she does shit a lot. Like twice a day, usually. This could be tricky with the whole "pooper scooper" thing.
-I might use salty language.
-I am not going to try to eliminate trash from my workplace. This just got personal, yo.

Watch me win, watch me lose.  I hope you'll offer suggestions when I need help and cheer me on when I figure out how to live without trash. Right now I've got a pile of stuff outside that needs to go to the dump. Off to a great start...